Lost

Afternoon friends,

It's been a month plus 2 days since my last blog post. I've tried so many times to write something...sometimes the words aren't there...this last month and two days has been a roller coaster...and I don't care for roller coasters...I could tilt a whirl all day long...but that's because you just come and go around and round the same things...roller coasters are up and down with twists and turns....you can't see the bottoms when you fall and the climbs are loaded with anxiety... at least that's how they are for me. I even used to love the log ride at Adventureland (poor kids who will never experience it now that it's gone :(... ) but that 1st time up the big hill ...click, click, click...always made my heartbeat in my ears!

This has all been going on this past month and 2 days...this COVID-19 time...

What do I even write; what do we say...people are all over the place...the diversity on my Facebook friends list has never been more clear than now. I feel like I could loose my mind...it's possible I already have...I have friends and family who are essential employees - they are on the front lines of this virus fighting - nurses and doctors...hand to hand contact possibly...this is terrifying... this is real life... I have friends who are experiencing "inconveniences" by not being able to just buzz out and do their shopping on their time at their leisure... it's a huge range ... everyone has an opinion... most are posting it for the world to see.

I am feeling very stuck right now...I'm not an essential person by any means... I'm a part time church secretary and little time farmers' market gardener... I am terrified that my main source of income for the farm isn't going to happen this year... I've done so much work to revamp & remake the Greenfield Market in the Park for 2020 and I don't know if anything is going to happen...last year my income from the market didn't cover all my expenses...it did cover the majority of the gardening/planting expenses - not much of a dent in the chicken/duck expenses, but that's normal when you farm because it costs so much more up front to get started...I was really hoping and planning to make some money back this year...to show that my dreams can be a reality...to show that all this work is worth something...to help improve our local economy...

I am concerned for our small town - we aren't over populated and our small business owners depend on each other's support to live...As this virus spreads and we keep doing more and more to flatten this curve we are putting more and more people out of work...we live in a farming community... how is Governor Reynolds going to know if Farmer Joe needs supplies from True Value today or what about Sally who has a refrigerator go out - she can't just pop into the Greenfield Home Store to get a new one... Or maybe this mom over here has a kiddo who outgrows his tennis shoes this week (yes! happened here!) and doesn't have a sister in law who passed down some shoes her boys outgrew? What about the people at home trying to keep little people entertained...what if they run out of supplies to do crafts or movies to watch...what if we can't send kids outside...

IF a shelter-in-place happens people are encouraged to STAY IN THEIR HOMES. PERIOD. yes you read that right stay in their homes...not play in the backyard, not go for a drive, not run to pick up a meal from a small restaurant in town, not go for a walk around the block, not wander around...not even stand in the driveway and shout across to the neighbors...

Right now in our state we are not under a "shelter in place" we have more freedom than many other states - no I don't have a list, no I haven't done oodles of research (hello I have 5 kids 5-7) but here's the deal...we NEED people to be responsible! We NEED people to stay home - to maintain social distancing! We NEED people to cancel their holiday plans, not have the party right now, not gather everyone around...

We need people to have compassion, we need people to remember that it takes a community to raise a child...maybe for some single parents that means kids need somewhere to stay so parents can go get groceries...or maybe these single parents need someone to grab some groceries and drop them off... Maybe we have older adults who are used to not asking for help and don't like asking for help - just do it without being asked...

We also need to realize that not everyone's stay at home is the same...my stay at home will look different than others'...not many people have 5 kids within 23 months of each other plus a teenager...with distance learning looking to start she's looking at spending LOTS of time doing schoolwork - the little people will also be trying to do some school work...and let's not forget this is a crazy busy time trying to get seeds started and ready to go into the garden, plus try to finish building the fence and buy some lambs for fair and/or to start our own flock...and figure out a way to get Church online for parishioners....plus I need to pay our bills and the church's bills...and try to make sure that I'm available to answer calls, texts, and emails to the school, parishioners, council members, and make the weekend bulletin, and make sure that everything online is updated...oh and lets not forget to feed & bathe people...

My friend over on Facebook - she's amazing...she's a stay at home mom...she has special needs kiddos...as a former foster/adoptive family they have more than 10 people living in their home...their was true fear from one of the kiddos about dad & brother coming home from work the day the limit was lowered. Her stay at home will look different than mine - she has a little escape artist - she cannot keep him inside...he climbs out the windows onto the roof and goes to visit dad in his office on the other side of the house...through the windows!

I have a couple other Facebook friends - they are single, don't have kids, are working from home...one has pets to report on daily...the other is struggling with being an extrovert and staying home alone all the time...

EVERYONE'S WORLD LOOKS DIFFERENT!!! Can we please all agree not to be judgey people right now? Can we please agree that this is bigger than any one of us can handle...just be kind, be compassionate, and please pray for everyone...we do not know the demons people have that we cannot see... we don't know if the smile is real or fake... PLEASE BE KIND!!!

PS If you're one of my friends who isn't a "God" believer - please feel free to stop reading here - Y'all know I'm a God Believer - Y'all know that I'm going to bring him up...you don't have to keep reading...you know I'd love it if you do though...just please don't argue with me about it...you won't change my mind. I will respect your views...I always do...but I do get my feelings hurt, so please don't do that today...

God is Good and he will see us through this. Maybe this is the time...maybe he is calling us back to him through this terrible virus. Maybe this will be when HE shows us that HE is the One True God and that whoso ever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. Maybe this is God saying - the Church is within you - Maybe God is calling you ... can you hear him? Do you feel pulled to drop off a gallon of milk and couple boxes of cereal to a neighbor? DO IT! God wants us to support each other. God has not abandoned us - when we look at those footprints in the sand at the end of the line there is probably only 1 set...HE is carrying us right now. I am certain that I am not doing this alone. I know there is no way I could do this alone.

If you read all this thank you! I feel like I'm rambling today - I'm lost and I'm struggling...The hubby is working, the kids are a mess, my anxiety is out of control, and I needed to put the words down during rest time...that is over...snack is over...now back to herding cats!

May God bless you and keep you this week of weeks...Holy Week...I am privileged to be able to record and share the Masses for the week with you...I am praying for each and every one of you! God is Good, All the Time, and All the Time, God is Good, that is His Nature!

PS feel free to print & color this page if you need this little reminder today!