Real Life Foster Care

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Okay friends, this is a near and dear topic to our family. This post has been a long time on my heart. I have sat down to write something about our journey and frozen or changed my mind. My heart has been hardened through our journey and walking alongside some friends who are on hard journeys. Yesterday though, yesterday I stopped to support a new family on a new journey. I forgot the beginning, the confusion, the needs.........oh the heartstrings ..... they're back....

So here comes the post. The easiest thing to forget is who "foster care" is about - this is about the kids. Period. The first question people asked us was "how long will they be with you?" We didn't start out as foster parents, so we didn't have any preparation for this... Our journey is called "kinship care" (to read more about it check this out)

To sum it up - we began by helping out a family member - In some cases this is a permanent resolution for your family. In other cases the turns and twists change life. In our case we became foster parents at the suggestion of the kids' attorney. Each case is its own and the goal for EVERY case is to return the children to their parents' custody.

Each and Every Case Plan begins with reunification with the parents as this is the First and Most Important Attachment a child will ever have.

So - one of the most common questions people ask me when they want to become foster parents or they want to adopt through the foster care system - is how - or why

Lots of changes have happened since we became foster parents, so some research was in order. The biggest change is the company who services foster parents and certifies families. They are also the main ones who help find families for children who are already in the system and looking for forever homes. Four Oaks is the company that is in charge of our area, but the state is split into different sections.

There is a page here that just for the kids in our state who have already been "through the system" and are looking for forever homes because they are unable to be reunited with their birth families.

"Every child deserves a permanent connection to a caring adult."

So - you want to be a foster parent -

1 - is your significant other/spouse on board? All individuals over 18 are required to be certified, so everyone needs to be on the same page :)

2 - do you have kids in the home already? if yes - please keep reading - if no move onto 3

In every case you need to talk to your children about their feelings - they don't control this decision, but it is so important they be a part of it. They will have to talk with the certification worker and share their feelings - no one wants to find out three-fourths of the way into certification that your child is planning to lock the "friend" in the basement because they won't share their room.

Now remember that this has to be age appropriate - you have to make those decisions on how to approach it with your kids. Some families want to keep birth order the same - only taking children younger than their own. Sometimes there are kiddos in the system who want to be a big sibling - sometimes these situations work too - I can't stress enough that each family has to decide this for themselves.

3 - are you willing to treat any children you bring into your home for any length of time as you would any child that came from your own body? If the answer is "no" or "well, I don't know" you need to stop now until you can say "yes" without a doubt. These children who are in this system have had so much heartache and loss they do not deserve to have yet another person let them down. When you can say yes without a doubt please keep going!

4 - where do you go from here - well - follow this and get ready!

Okay so being a foster parent isn't for everyone - I totally understand! We closed our license after the adoption, because our heart is full (just like our house!) There are workers in & out of your house - there are bumps and potholes because foster kids' lives are in limbo. Some cases are smoother than others, but there is still back & forth - visits with parents & they come home to your house - rules aren't the same, expectations change, sometimes schools have to change. There are usually therapy visits and doctor appointments, in addition to the basic day-to-day. You loose control of your life in some essence. DHS and or visit workers put things on your schedule; if you have a kiddo with special needs there might be more types of therapies involved.

If this totally overwhelms you - I UNDERSTAND!!! I have no idea if I would've been on this road if it wouldn't have been something our family needed.

Another option is to be certified as "adoption only" - I don't know as much about this aspect, but pretty much what we learned during our class. All the preparation is the same for both foster and adoptive parents. Some families only want to be the foster home - they want to be there to support the kids during the bumps and potholes of life. Other families are more suited to be forever homes. There is a huge need for forever homes - especially for older kids. If I could take in every teen I probably would - even though I would go crazy - but these teenagers - they just need love!

One of the books I have read is The 5 Love Languages of Children. This has helped me meet the needs of our kiddos.

Also - a fun, but very real movie that is available to get an idea of the foster care to adoption ending is the movie Instant Family.

Most of you know I'm pretty much an open book. If you have questions feel free to ask me!!! God Bless each of you today and always! ~Christine